Saturday, July 20, 2013

Today was a good day

Today was a good day.  I cant remember the last time I said that.  I dont know if its the post partum meds finally kicking in, my hormones stabalizing or the fact that Capri is beating every odd she has been given.  Whatever the reason it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Today we woke up to the kids crawling in our bed to snuggle. We went downstairs ate breakfast and played london bridges.  It was a normal day before our lives changed.  My mom took me to get my nails done than we went up to see Capri.   In my opinion today was a big day for her.

When i went into her room i noticed right away that her SATs were in the high 70s.  Yesterday she was in the 90s. Then i moved over to the ventilator machine.  Yesterday they had weened her down to 70% oxygen.  Today they were giving her 85%.  My heart sank and i thought that yesterday was just a fluke and she wasnt really getting better. I sadly asked the nurse why they had upped her oxygen.  She told me that about an hour before we got there, Capris oxygen dropped from the high 80s  to 54% so they had to have the ventillation machine do 100% of the work.  the machine brought her back up and they were slowly weening her off it again.  It took me a few minutes but then things clicked.  Why would her oxygen suddenly drop? The only reasonable explanation to me is that the PDA valve closed.  Last time it closed she dropped into the 60s and even with the ventillator giving her 100% she couldnt get above 65.  Shes in the high 70s low 80s right now.. that means her heart is working. The surgery worked! 

Now this is all just me speculating and we could do the echo on monday and i could be completely wrong but i cant think of any other reason her oxygen would suddenly drop that low.  Dear God please let me be right.

After about an hour i went down to the play area to check on my other kids so my mom could go in and see Capri.  I was building towers with A while Mike was having a tea party in the kitchen with B.  (have i mentioned how much i love my husband).  it couldnt have been more than 10 minutes when I see my mom come back in with tears in her eyes.  My heart started beating faster as i walked towards her.  She handed me the video camera and told me to go upstairs right away.  The nurse says Capri is stable enough that i can hold her.
It has only been 10 days since she has been alive but i swear it feels like ive been waiting for this moment for months.  I dragged Mike out of the room and practically ran to the NICU.  It took the nurses about 5 minutes to get all of her cords picked up and make sure nothing was going to come out.  We had to move 2 machines to the other side of the bed and wrap her up with all the cords inside.  looking into the blanket was like looking at the inside of a computer, cords and tubes going every which way.  It took two nurses to lift her up and put her in my arms.  Mike was watching the oxygen to make sure she could handle it.  She did great, her oxygen actually went up while she was in my arms. 
Holding your baby for the first time is always an amazing experience but this was different.  The fear that i would never get to hold her alive all just melted away.  I held her tight, kissed her forehead and breathed in her smell.  Such a wonderful smell, the smell of a new baby.  After awhile Mike held her, kissed and snuggled her.  She started to get restless and oxygen was beginning to lower so we put her back in her bed and kissed her goodnight.
Today was a good day...