surgery

Mike and I stayed up most of the night last night.  we both tossed and turned and realized sleep probably wasnt going to happen so we turned on TV and talked about the surgery.  I couldnt get the thought out of my head that "what if today is the last day im happy"  What if Capri doesnt make it through surgery?  Loosing a child changes you.  You are never the same person again.  The only downside to having this amazing family of heart moms is reading the heartache from the ones who lost their babies to soon. Every thought that came to my head brought me back to wondering if today would be the last day I saw my child alive.  That is such an aweful pit in your stomach kind of feeling.

We got to the hospital around 630 so we could hold Capris hand and take a few pictures.  We met her surgeon at 7 and were told they were taking her back right away.   Its here, there is no turning back now.  We followed them down to the operating room kissed her at the doors and watched her be wheeled away.  I have had several surgeries since Mike and I have been married.  Being the one on the table being wheeled away is way less scary then watching them take your child. 

We went back to the waiting room where our other kids were waiting with their grandmas and grandpa.  I cant cry in front of them.  I dont want them to be scared.  Deep breaths.  Everything is going to be okay, Deep breaths. We ate breakfast then went to the play area.  915 i got the first phone call from the OR.  They have her prepped and have just made the incision to cut her open.  950-She is on bypass and is stable. They are ready to start the procedure.  I took a walk with B to look at all of decor on the pediatric floor.  There are feet of different animals coming out of the ceiling.  I found that very strange and wasnt sure why they would do that but B thought that it was the funniest thing in the world and would laugh everytime we went underneath them.  Around 11 I started getting nervous that I hadnt heard any updates so Mike and I went up to the ICU to wait.  By 12 I got our last phone call.  "Dr. Dearani is just about finished with the cone. He would like to discuss how things went with you so please wait there for a nurse to bring you to the OR. "  I asked if she was doing good and if things went well.  The nurse just told me that it went OK and the doctor would tell me more.  I sat back down with a heavy heart knowing that something must have went wrong.  Finally the nurse came and took us downstairs.  I couldnt talk without crying so instead I stared at the wall and just told myself to breathe.  No matter what happens we are going to be okay.  We can get through this. 

Dr. Dearani came in smiling and told us the surgery went great.  They did the cone procedure and it didnt work quite like he had hoped so he had to do an additional procedure called the glenn. They also had to leave the chest open but would hopefully close it in the next day.  She was doing good though and did not have to go on ECMO which is huge.  They were pretty sure that her body would not be able to tollerate all of the stress of surgery and would need to be on life support for at least a few days. 

We spent the next few hours bringing family in to see her, taking pictures and talking with doctors.  The kids were so excited to see her and so glad that her heart wasnt broken anymore.  She was in SVT but her oxygen was at 100% which means she was tolerating it.  Later that night they converted her by turning up her temporary pace maker and as of now she is stable and doing great. 

Today was a long exhausting emotional day.  Once we knew she was okay this weight was just lifted off of me and the world was okay again.  Our baby is going to be okay.  We are going to be okay.