just rest

3 weeks of being in the hospital (almost 2 weeks at mayo) and we are no closer to going home than we were on day 1.  When I got to the hospital this morning they had put Capri back on the breathing machine because she could no longer do it on her own.   We spent the morning upping her sedation and pain meeds every 15 minutes. She could not settle down her poor tiny body would just twitch.  It is so hard to watch her like this.  She is so helpless i just want to scoop her up and tell her its all going to be okay.  Her body was burning up but her toes were freezing.  I asked the doctor why her feet were still struggling to get blood, i thought the surgery was supposed to fix that.  He agreed that it was abnormal so he ordered an ultra sound.  We discovered both legs have blood clots in her groin area from the central lines.  She is already on baby aspirin and heparin (a blood thinner) so we upped the dosage and will meet with a hematologist on monday.  Her temperature had spiked to 103 even after the tylonel.  Her body is shutting down.  She is giving up.  Please fight baby girl.  We aren't ready for you to leave yet.  We have to many memories to make with you.  You need to take those breaths and your lungs need to heal.  You can do this.  We can do this.  We are going to be okay.  We are going to survive this, you just rest your pretty little head and heal. We will take care of the breathing and feeding and all of the other work for you.  You just heal.