Thursday, January 30, 2014

Distance

Sitting, waiting, wondering what the day will bring. Trying to stay busy the entire day is my goal and it is wearing on me as the days go on. Being 1,279 miles from my daughter for the past 8 days has been harrowing to say the least. Every morning that my alarm goes off, I wonder if this day will be any different than the days prior. Will I receive news of things are changing to Capri's advantage, or will I receive news that my days will remain the same even longer, or will I receive no news at all?

As the day goes on, I feel like Bill Murray in Ground Hog day. The routine is the same, the weather is the same, the update texts are the same, the only thing that really changes from day to day is how much I miss my Wife and kids. I want to be there with them, but I know that is really not an option to put everything on hold and risk the trip since progress at the moment is inactive. I want to be there, I feel as though I need to be there, but I know that I can't and that makes it onerous.

With the TV turned off, I can actually hear the sound of silence and it is something I have never paid attention to before. No kids playing, laughing, and screaming in their rooms, Pans and cookware being moved in the kitchen, Monitors beeping, and oxygen concentrators running in the background, just silence. I can hear the wind blowing around outside, rain dripping down the glass other fine detailed sounds I have not really heard in years. So I fill my time by checking off items from my "Honey Do" list that has remained inert until now. The accomplishment of these items does make it feel like things are in fact moving forward and passes the time and that's good, after all that is my goal.  I have spent time discovering new entertainment such as "The Blacklist" and "Person of Interest" and I must say, those shows are exceptional.

But at the end of the day I find myself in the same place, missing the same people, and wondering how long this will continue. While at the same time I realize that as long as I am feeling like Bill Murray (with a better hairline) in groundhog day, Capri is not losing speed, or going downhill. That she is still fighting day after day and refusing to quite on us. She may not be declared the winner by KO, TKO, or unanimous decision, but she is still standing and fighting and that is all I could ever ask for. When the day is all over, it is that final thought that makes the day worth it!