Thursday, February 20, 2014

Hold your breath and pray

What a day its been.  I got to the hospital this morning to find out our friend Nathan was in surgery for his 2nd attempt to get off ecmo.  An hour into it Jessica got the call to come down and talk to the dr.  Quick means good right?  Hes off ecmo and everything went smoothly.  Amanda and I sat in Capris room talking noticing that all of the nurses were gathering by Nathans room and a quietness seemed to blanket the ICU.   Our nurse came back with a solem look on her face and said she didnt know anything but things didnt sound good.  Amanda got a text shortly after saying that Nathan was in bad shape and that he probably wasnt going to make it.  We ran out of the room to find Jessica.  Our babies were having good days.  We are planning there discharges.  Jessica needed friends right now.  We went into the conference room where Nathans parents were.  As soon as eye contact was made we all felt the tears coming.  Jessica explained that they were unable to take Nathan  off of lifesupport and the only thing left to try was to do the glenn (one of the surgeries that Capri had).  There was a lot of internal bleeding and not a great chance that Nathan was going to pull through.  This is something that is always in the back of our heads having a sick baby.

   We all know that at anytime we could be told that our baby was at the end and is not going to make it.  Knowing that and living it though is compeletly different.  Ive known this mom for less than a week yet i can feel my heart tearing apart like it was my own child in the operating room.  These parents are amazing people.  Its not fair.  None of this is fair.  We spent the rest of the morning talking about our lives, our experiences in the hospital and life at home with a sick baby.  We all come from such different worlds all across the country yet our stories are all the same.  I wish that my husband was here.  I am jealous that these other moms have their support system here. They have someone to lean into and cry when things are hard.   I am so grateful that i have an amazing husband who loves his job and is willing to sacrifice being here so he can continue to pay our bills and make sure that we are supported in every other since of the word but somedays i really wish he could just come by for the day. 

Amanda and I ran to the cafeteria with her husband to get snacks and drinks for everyone.  When we got back (with a bag full of every kind of snack you could imagine in hand) we saw Nathans nurse talking in the hallway.  My heart stopped and i felt that lump in my throat.  He didnt make it.. How is this family going to get through this?  How does anyone get through this?  But then as we walked by she smiled and said "Its good news".  Those 3 simple words and everything changed.  We walked into the room to see his parents on the phone crying telling their parents that Nathan was ok.  He made it through surgery is off life support and is stable.  Thank you God he is stable. 
We spent the next hour laughing listening to Chris's stories of being in the marines and the crazy things he saw overseas.  Of Aarons stories being in Vegas and the.. well crazy things you see in Vegas.  The entire dynamic of the room has changed.  We could all breathe a little easier.  These girls have become my family out here and i dont know what i would do without them.

Capri is doing great still improving everyday.  We will be lifeflighted back to Salt lake on Monday where she will finish her healing at primary childrens.