Thursday, January 30, 2014

my new "me"

Tomorrow is a big day.  It is the last time we will extubate Capri.  We are hoping she will do well off of it and be able to breathe on her own.  If she cant they will take her back to the OR to place a trach.  I still cant talk about it without crying but i have been talking.  The more i say "trach" the easier it gets.  No matter what, we are going to be okay.  But it will be so much better if we can avoid that pesky thing.

I am doing better today.  Im still not normal but i am quickly discovering that i will never be "normal" again.  This is my new normal.  Always worried something is going to happen to the kids, much more aware of my surroundings and to always say i love you at the end of every conversation.  to kiss my baby before i leave the room, always the thought in the back of my head "will this be the last time i see you?  I kiss you? "  As hard as this new me is, i feel like its a better me.  I care about the right things now, i don't get as caught up in the petty stuff.  My family truly is the most important thing in my life and its okay to put everything else second.