Sunday, August 4, 2013

phone call

Tonight we took A and B to there papas for a sleepover so we could spend the afternoon with Capri.  When we got there her pajamas had blood on them.  Scared, I asked if she was okay, the nurse told us that her belly button was bleeding a little bit earlier but it was nothing to worry about.  We held her, cuddled and fed her for several hours (6ccs out of a bottle)  She was moved up on her feedings to 32ccs through the feeding tube.  Around 730 we decided we were starving so we needed to leave.  I changed her diaper before we left and there was blood all around her belly button and on her leg.  We looked around and found an active bleed.  Not a lot of blood but enough to be concerned about.  The nurse practitioner agreed that her umbilical cord should have healed by now and she should not be bleeding.  They ordered some blood tests to see if it was clotting as we were leaving.

We went to dinner and to the store to pick up a few things then came home.  We've been laying here ever since watching Greys anatomy re-runs.  Mike looked at his phone to check the time and saw he had a missed call from the NICU.  I looked at mine, also a missed call.  My heart went into my throat and I couldn't breathe.  Mike put the voicemail on speaker phone.  It was the nurse practitioner calling to let us know that her labs came back and nothing looked suspicious.  I don't know if i can handle this stress much longer.  Every time my phone rings my heart skips a beat.   Every grey's episode I watch i picture my life in there and us being in that situation.  I need to start doing yoga again, find a way to relax and let things happen.

As we go forward from here my blogs get shorter and shorter.  As she keeps growing she gets healthier and my fears get a little bit less.  Slowly things ARE getting better.  We have to just keep pushing forward and hoping for the best.