Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Things are looking up

Its 2am and I am just sitting down to write.  I spent the night making lists of what I need to do.  Get all the laundry done and put away, clean and disinfect the house, have someone deep clean my carpets, get invitations out for B's birthday and my best friends bridal shower, clean my car, clean the carseat, buy a LOT of hand sanitizer.  The list goes on and on.

Today was a good day
This morning was just like any other morning.  I got the kids ready for school, as I was driving I started crying thinking about having to ask for help at their preschool if Capri ever gets to come home.  After I picked them up I called our auto insurance to find out why our bill went up 20 dollars.  Half way through the conversation I started crying.  We got to the hospital and their were no volunteers in the play area so I couldn't go see Capri. As I watched the kids play and looked at the 3 other kids in the room, one with gauze on her neck from a recent surgery, one with stitches all the way down his head and a tiny 1 year old with a gauze patch on her eye from surgery.  As i watched the children I began to cry.  Finally I couldn't take it and I called my family dr.  I asked him what was wrong with me and what i needed to do to be normal again.  We realized that I started struggling last friday.  Last Thursday I had my OB appointment and got an IUD.  Before I left the hospital after Capri was born I got a deep shot that lasts 3 months.  I have twice the amount of hormones circulating through my body that I should have.  Its not that Im crazy its just that Im imbalanced :)
I took the kids to their papas and headed back up to the hospital.  When I got there my favorite nurse Vicky was in the room.  I looked at her and started crying.  She teared up as well and hugged me.  I told her I was done.  That I couldn't do this anymore.  I just wanted my baby to come home.  She smiled and told me to hang on for a second as she went to get the neo natal dr and cardiologist.  As we sat in the room they told me about there concerns with Capri.  She still is 6 pounds and is not consistently gaining weight.  She is stooping out a lot of her food which means she is also loosing a lot of nutrients.  Everything else is good though.  There are no other issues.  With most babies in the NICU they can not leave until they show that they can gain weight.  Heart babies however have their own set of rules.  She will always struggle with gaining weight and that is something that we will have to work closely with our pediatrician to make sure she stays healthy.  The Dr. told me that she has seen time and time again where babies cant grow so they send them home with the diagnosis of "failure to thrive", pretty much letting them spend time with their family until they pass.  But when they get home they do great.  They gain weight and they do what they are supposed to.  Being out of the stressful environment of a hospital and in the comfort of a home with mom and dad sometimes is the best medicine.

So what does this mean? Then the Dr. told me the best news I have had in over 2 months.  Lets watch her over the next couple days, teach you how to use all of her equipment and you can take her home.  I get to take my baby home.  2 months of stress and agony driving to the hospital everyday, having to leave my other children with babysitters, Its all ending.  She gets to come home!  We will still have to go to primary's a few times a week for dr apt's and to make sure everything is okay but she gets to come home.  Just as I was at my breaking point, where I didn't think I could go any longer we get what we have been asking for.  I wish I had the words to explain how wonderful today felt.  I haven't cried since i walked into Capris room at 230 this afternoon.  The weight that was pushing me down, making me feel as if i was drowning is gone.  Everything is going to be okay.

I spent the rest of the afternoon talking to the nurse about what kind of things I look for to know I need to call 911 vs just taking her to the hospital myself.  We started to talk about all of the machines that she will go home on and how I will need to take her temperature every few hours to make sure she is not to hot or to cold.  Either one of those will cause her heart to work harder than normal and could put her into SVT.  She showed me the pule ox machine she will need to be on all the time to monitor her oxygen.  And the stethoscope they will teach me how to use to listen for SVT.  How to check her belly to make sure her liver is functioning and what kind of things to look for in her stool.  The next 2 days is going to be a whirlwind of information that I hope to God I can remember.  

So now its time to hurry and get everything cleaned and ready for our beautiful baby to come home.  A and B are ecstatic that their baby gets to come home and they can hold her whenever they would like.  Mom and Dad are scared to death that we are going to forget something but just as excited to know she will be home with us.  What a change from yesterday.  My life truly is a roller coaster