Today we were supposed to take baby C off the prostaglandin medicine. Until we can get her off that medication we wont know much about her future. When we came to see her however her infection had gotten worse and she wasn't very stable. The drs told us they were going to wait until we got her healthy before we start taking off her meds. One of the side effects of the prostaglandin is her body shakes. I just wanted to bundle her up in a blanket and hold her tight. she looked like she was freezing even though her core temp was right where it was supposed to be 98.6. I sat with her holding her arms close to her chest to help stop the shaking. She doesn't like to be stroked so when you touch her you just have to hold your hand still. Do you know how hard it is to not caress your baby. Its your instincts.
Tomorrow if she is stable enough they will do a spinal tap to rule out menengitus. Hopefully we will get to wash her hair tomorrow as well.
My Dad got to town today. I can have the whole world around me supporting me telling me its gonna be okay but there is just something about having your dad be by your side. I feel at peace when hes around. Daddys make everything okay. I will never be to old to cuddle up in my dads arms and let him take the pain away. I dont know what i would do without all of the family support we have had. My mom came out the day i was admitted to the hospital and has been with us ever since. My sister also drove 12 hours with her two young children to be with us not only when i was admitted but then had to go home and turned around a week later to come back when i delivered. Mikes mother drove up to be with us in between work shifts. His dad has been keeping our kids for us trying to have some type of normal-some in there life. Several of mikes brothers have donated to our medical fund to help us out with bills that are beginning to pile in. My brother has taken work off to help babysit kids and buys us meals after we tell him not to. I cant imagine what i would do if I didnt have my family. I mean really, whos mom just drops her life and comes to live with you for a month plus to help out and just be there for support? We are truly so lucky.
I did better today. Not near as emotional. Still not talking much but i am listening more. 1 day at a time is what everyone keeps telling me. I;m working on 1 hour at a time. Maybe next month ill try the 1 day thing. I cant wait to be discharged tomorrow and go home to my house. Cuddle with my kids. Lay in my own bed. Mike went out to the house before Capri was born and put away all of the baby stuff. Took the crib down, put the swing in the basement. packed the clothes back up. We did this because we didn't think she was even going to live through birth. Im still not ready to see all of that stuff. Hopefully someday we will get to have the excitement of bringing all that stuff back up stairs. The joy of bringing her home, not the sorrow of putting things away while planning her funeral. We're gonna be okay. She is a fighter. She has already made it longer than the doctors thought she would. Now we just have to keep fighting