Monday, July 29, 2013

1 in a million

I took the kids to the hospital by myself today.  First time I have done this without having a friend or family member be there to help out.  We went to the play area to drop them off so i could go visit Capri.  Unfortunately they did not have enough volunteers so i couldn't leave them.  They came to the room with me and got to hold Capri.  I love watching A's face when he holds her.  His face lights up like its christmas morning.  He is such a proud big brother, and I am such a proud mama!  As we were sitting in the room our favorite nurse, Vicky sat next to me and laid her hand on mine.  She told me that she wanted me to know she has been a nurse at primary childrens for 30 years and has seen everything you could ever think of.  She then told me that in her 30 years she has NEVER seen a child with ebstein's as severe as Capris do this well.  She said, Kendra this just doesn't happen, ever.  As my eyes welled up with tears A leaned his head on my shoulder and asked me if my tears were happy tears or sad ones.  For the first time in what seems like forever  I could tell him they were happy tears.
Capri drank 9ccs out of a bottle this morning and 11cc's out of a bottle this afternoon.  Today is the first day she has really drank from a bottle, again I am a proud mama!  Its slow but its progress.

For all of my friends, neighbors family etc.  Two weeks ago I wrote about how I couldn't/didn't want to talk to anyone.  I am okay now.  Our prognosis has changed drastically and I am taking medication to help me cope with all of this.  In the last 2 days I have had several people tell me they were scared to call me or come over.  I love all of the support we have been given and welcome visitors.  Im still not who I was 2 months ago, however I probably won't ever be who I was 2 months ago.  Capri has changed our lives.  I am somewhat normalish though so please don't think Im still the crazy lady that cant handle being talked to.

Writing this blog has helped me cope with all of the things going on in my life.  It is also a very hard thing to do.  Putting out all of my emotions, deepest thoughts and most likely sharing to much information is something I have had to think long and hard about.  I read and re read every blog I write trying to decide if what I am writing is ok to publish to the world.  In the end however, I have had sooo many people tell me that my story has inspired them and that they read this blog everyday.  For that reason, I am okay putting all of this out there for anyone to see.  I hope our story will give other parents hope when there is no hope to turn too.