Sunday, September 8, 2013

alone with 3 kids

Mike left for Dallas today.  This will be the first time I am alone with all 3 kids.  Being alone with 3 kids in itself is daunting, having one of them be medically fragile is a whole different story.  I have an amazing 4 year old helper though and Im sure we are going to be just fine.  I am a little nervous for the nights just because Mike and I usually split up the times so we both are able to get a little bit of sleep.  Heart moms have told me time and time again though that sleep is over rated and you can get by on very little.  I am going to test that theory this week!
 I have been following another heart moms Facebook page who had a little girl the day after Capri was born.  I've watched them on the same roller coaster that we have been on.  Defeating odds, doctors in disbelief that their daughter was doing so well.  They brought her home a week before we brought Capri home.  In the last week things started to get worse and they knew they were losing their baby girl.  There was nothing else the doctors could do so they kept her at home and prayed that she would defeat the odds again.  Yesterday she passed away in her mothers arms.  My heart breaks for this family.  I lay here holding my almost 2 month old, with the knowledge that this very much could our family.  Everything is fine one moment and the next we are losing her.  Because of that, the way I interact with my family is much different.  When my phone rings, I let it go to voicemail, I can call them back.  The tv is not on near as much as it used to be.  We spend time together.  sucking in every moment not knowing when it will be our last.  We stay home and play.  The store can wait, the yard work will get done eventually.  As long as we have each other nothing else really matters.