Tuesday, September 24, 2013

er trips, work and stepford wives

Every night I have great plans to write in the blog.  Then one thing leads to the next and its after midnight and im exhausted.  We were so spoiled with A and B. They slept through the night almost right after birth.  If they did wake up it was once maybe twice.  Capri wakes up every 30 minutes or so.     Not enough that she is screaming or really upset just enough to wine that she lost her binky which will set off her alarms.  Nights have become never ending.  During the day however she is a perfect angel.  Hardly ever  cries, loves to snuggle and very interested in brother and sister.  I am hoping with all hope that on Friday her cardiologist is going to let us take her NJ tube to a NG and if she does well with that get rid of the tubes all together.  We had to make an ER trip yesterday to replace the tube.  I really am beginning to loathe that drive.  i cant even blame her though, this time it was my fault.  A and B went to there papas because I wasn't feeling well.  We had no groceries however and shopping with one child is much easier than 3.  As I was setting her car seat inside the cart the lid of her med port got snagged on the shopping cart and ripped her tape right off.  I don't make it a habit to carry tegrederm around with me so i asked the clerk if they had a piece of tape i could use.  Im sure she thought i was crazy taping my daughters face.  On the way home as i was turning off the interstate i heard a blood curdling scream.. yup she just pulled it out.  I pulled over to confirm what i suspected and sure enough.. a tubeless baby.  back to eagle mountain to unload groceries just to turn back to salt lake for an Er trip.  The only upside of the trip  was I got to watch part of the broncos game while sitting in the waiting room.
This is my last week home before I go back to work.  I LOVE my job.  I teach restraints to employees who take care of adults with disabilities.  It is the funnest job I have ever had and I love watching my new employees get excited about their new career.  That being said I am scared to death to go back.  The fear of something happening to Capri while I am away terrifies me.  I know that if she is going to pass away it will happen whether I am here or not but leaving her makes it that much scarier.  These last 12 weeks did not go as planned.  I imagined my maternity leave being me cooking fancy dinners overnight and all sitting at the table talking about our day.  Working on preschool stuff with the kids and taking daily trips to the park.  Working in my yard finishing the last few little things we need to do to have it be complete.  Instead I spent 2 months eating out of a hospital cafeteria, neglecting my house and lawn and the only preschool prep that was done was in the hospitals play area doing crafts.  This wasn't what I imagined but its what we were given so I will make the best out of this week and just be a stepford wife for 6 days instead of 6 weeks.