Saturday, November 9, 2013

starting to feel normal

Everyday things seem to feel a little bit more normal.  We are starting to get into a routine.  Capri is slowly weening off her oxygen and things are starting to be okay.  4 months ago my life changed and I didn't think I was going to make it.  Today things are okay.  I have a beautiful little girl who is slowly growing, getting stronger everyday.  We have been overwhelmed by the support of our friends and family who have been willing to help us out as I plan this fundraiser and start to prepare for Capris open heart surgery.

I still struggle with falling asleep.  Night time is when all of the bad thoughts and fears surface.  What if she stops breathing and I don't hear her? What if she goes into SVT and her monitors mis read?  The thought that we may only have our baby girl for a small amount of time is always there.  I was taking a bubble bath with her last night, thinking about how much I love taking baths with my babies.  Her head on my chest, eyes closing relaxing in the warm water.  I asked Mike to take a picture so that I would have that memory forever.
We took Capri to a Jazz game a few weeks ago and I got mixed reviews from my family about taking her to a place like that that was filled with germs.  As Mike and I talked about it though, we want to have memories with Capri.  No matter what our future holds we want to be able to look back on these months and think of the fun things we did as a family.  I hope that on her 18th birthday we can give her the family picture we took and joke about how we were so poor the only seats we could afford were so high that she needed to have her oxygen on.

Everyday I love this little girl more and more.  Her personality is starting to shine through, she is always smiling and touching the hearts of every person she meets.  Look at how far she has come in the last 4 months.  5% odds have
 nothing on her ;)